.Friday, October 20, 2006.
I thought.
I am falling in love with the lyrics of "perhaps love" and "ni wo shi sha gua". they are korean songs but the lyrics are truly meaningful. A fool is all i am.
I thought i was fine. i thught i could smile. I thought i could be strong. I thought i could be the cihui i used to be. I just thought. It is so funny. when you want to forget something, it is etched deeply in your memory. I cant erase it nor ignore it. It is like a scar. To be left there. only for me to look and feel the pain. I feel that it is hard to breathe. Like i am dying, anytime.
One year ago, I was a happy sec four gb girl in PL, living life innocently. my life revolved around GB, school, family and friends. Now i look at myself and... Life today for me just sucks. I totally messed it up. Cihui, you are screwed. I looked at my PFT report. Inferior complex. Oh well. i want to go on a long break. To an island where i like. To a place no one else or maybe those who truly understand me can find me.
I think i need time to find myself. I am not getting stuck in the past, but trying to find the true me and start anew. Anew, that would be. At least when i am back from my break, I wont let anyone see me dejected and tired. I dont want to and will not let the environment or people change me anymore. I will be myself.
