.Wednesday, July 19, 2006.
Today feels different. I feel so quiet today. I don feel like talking much. Don feeling like thinking too much. Today is a day of reflections and about forgetting. I see the big picture now. I am very clear of what is happening. I have heard and seen for myself and I know. The truth is that I have always been treated like a fool. People just take me for a ride. The feeling is simply not good. I am also very touched today. Because I have seen for myself that lots of people are very nice and caring. They cared a lot. They cared in times when I am down.
Today is also lecture day. Yes, life was normal but yet I felt different. After school, I went to NJ for some geo lecture. It was about 1 and a half hours long. It was very informative but at times my mind just drifted to some other things. Ethel and I was laughing at some students who were dozing off, popping their heads up and down. ahaha. I know that was mean. But still, it was the only thing that made me laugh from the bottom of my heart. Fortunately, everything is over now. I am sure of where I am heading. I will never turn back. Even a miracle would not help because I truly understand the situation now. I know clearly about everything. No explanation is needed. I gave chances before but people just ignored it. I am tired. Tired of anticipating that everything would turn out as what I hoped it would be. But now, after thinking through, I feel a bit more relieve. Things are never going to be the same as before. Or rather, I would never ever be the same as before. We cant return to the past. They are just memories. There is an ocean. I am never going to be able to cross over it.
Anyway, today was definitely much better than yesterday. I have learnt many things today. Precious lessons. I will definitely bring them with me through my life. Promises, never would I believe in them anymore. Lots of people just always forget what they have said. As such, I seriously see no point in me honoring my promises. But still, I will never break them because I know how much it would hurt the others when people break their promises. Perhaps I just need to get away for a moment. Anyway, I am fine now. I now understand what it means that it is a bliss to be ignorant sometimes. How I wish I would never grow up. Just be like a kid and be contented with whatever I have. I was sitting on the swing just now. Swinging away all my troubles. It feels good. But at the same time, there was this group of sec sch students there quarrelling. I think it was about some “I like you but you don like me thing”. Whatever man. Kids who are not mature. It almost sounded as if they are going to fight anytime. they just don know how to treaure what is before them. Things may have changed. But no matter what, I would still keep to my promises and hang on to my principles. Tomorrow would be a better day. It is just today that sucked.
